Eluned Jones

Eluned Jones grew up in North Wales, before moving to Aberystwyth to study for a Masters' Degree in Archive Administration.  Her poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in journals including Orbis, Brittle Star, The Frogmore Papers, Obsessed with Pipework, The Interpreter's House and Ink Sweat and Tears.  She won second prize in the 2015 Bookends Bookshop Haiku Competition.

Poems

english lesson 

RING Miss coming door opening and me is tick at desk
homework done skirt right length
Miss say good morning class good morning Miss
and pete and football mates at back is giggle
eng lit is boring lots them dead people writings
me is wearing Fluffy scrunchie Pink and Pretty nails with Sparkles

and Miss is saying open books to page 30 be quiet at back
today we is reading twelfth night
it cutting weird
with girls being boys or something

thud at back pete drop book
he hair gel spike Cool
me likes his new trainers them cost lot me brother say

Miss ruler voice stop messing
sharon read olivia ben malvolio
me think malvolio funny
with yellow socks and garters what is garters but pete from back
bubble gum chew it boring

Miss tell read act three scene 4 and list write them things them happen
me exercise book Special in Pink and Shiny
words is funny them old not spell right but viola name
Magic-Pretty
me think pete eyes Pretty
him fastest running
he win footie
all them boys Cool Gang Best

Bang Miss yelling
stop whispering
have you finished me finished
underlined Pink + Purple
Miss now at back pete texting mobile Miss not happy
get out stand in corridor
me Sad pete get row

then clock is tock Miss give homework
bell make Big Noise everyone Rush
me books in pencil case neat
and pete in corridor
me Smile
him no look

him Coolest of all them boys
tomorrow me wear Special-Star-glitter necklace and pink ribbon



Observations on the Essential Nature of the Aubergine


Aubergines were first discovered in their native state
by the noblest Sir Horace Peter Hortescue Esq.,
that moustachioed explorer of our Victorian era,
famed for his brave endurance
of an onslaught of cake rampaging vicars’ wives
during his quest to map the fever rings
of deepest Sussex.

Today and we are pleased to report
that aubergines are a staple pet of the British heart,
fourth only to TV dogs, cats asleep and husbands.
But we exhort all gentle readers
to shelter aubergines from packs of rampaging courgettes.
We also caution that aubergines should not be exposed
to loud noises or cathedrals.

We desire, dear reader, that you bear in mind
that aubergines are a herd vegetable that must be kept
in groups of seventeen.
We also remind you of our instructions for meritorious care,
which state that aubergines should be fed
slightly spiced milk four times a day
and benefit from a nutrition of tabloid newspaper.

We must report however, with the greatest of regrets,
that aubergines are prone to torpor.
They should therefore be stimulated once a week
by watercolour painting.
Most importantly, the consumption by aubergines
of shoe polish must in all cases
be severely rationed.

In conclusion, we,
the Society for the Protection and Preservation of Traumatised Aubergines,
state that aubergines are for all months, not just for Christmas.
For readers lacking in appropriate moral upstandingness,
imitation aubergines may be purchased,
for the price of three weeks’ salary,
at the National Aubergine Outlet Store Supply BonanzaTM.
Bananas are also available.